An Assault on the Dignity of Japanese Monsters

The Japanese haven’t “done” Halloween until recently, and even now, the idea of trick-or-treating seems strange to them. Nonetheless, the Japanese do have both a sophisticated horror aesthetic and a monster tradition that goes WAY back.

The creatures I'm referring to have lineages that predate Godzilla by centuries. They are known as the Yokai (“the otherworldly”), and there is a convenient field guide for those who are interested: Yokai Attack! The Japanese Monster Survival Guide by Hiroko Yoda.

This valuable tome teaches that the Oni is a formidable demon. But I’m plugged in enough to know that like many Japanese monsters, the Oni has suffered from a neotany makeover; this is the Japanese compulsion to make everything as cute as humanly possible. Fun Fact: Hello Kitty began life as an Oni, but has since been demoted to a mouthless mite. (Okay, I made that up.)

Washington Post reporter Blaine Harden
reveals that other creatures are less fortunate, e.g., the Onibaba (demon hag). She was formerly a “horribly unbalanced elderly woman who collects livers of unborn children.” Today, the Onibaba is a theme park mascot.

One monster that’s withstood assaults on its honor is Akaname (“the Filth Licker”). He eats bathtub scum. Try prettying THAT up. And if Akaname shows up in a Japanese house, it really is horrible. People in the Land of the Rising Standards of Hygiene take clean bathrooms seriously.

Pumpkins with Human Faces (and Pumpkin Seeds for Brains...Just Like Us!)

The Modern Mechanix blog has posted an article from a 1938 issue of Popular Science. It's about John Czeski, an Ohio farmer who made human pumpkin heads. That is, Czeski made a mold of the entire human head he wanted to reproduce. He would then set it over a young pumpkin. Once the pumpkin filled in the contours, the mold was removed.

This was so effective, it's almost fakey looking. (Hey, how do you spell that: "fakey"? "fakie"?)

How far have we come in anthropomorphic gourd technology in the following 70 years? Well, this guy grew a pumpkin with Mickey Mouse ears. Humph.

Zombie Movies as an Index of Societal Upheaval

Who knew? io9.com editor Annalee Newitz has established a connection between troubled times and the number of zombie movies produced.
A reader comments that there also seems to be a connection between the political party in power and undead film production. (Could be; how many zombie flicks were churned out under the Whigs or Federalists?)

Gird Your Loins and Cast a Ballot

I just finished voting. (Cue applause.) With my “secret ballot” duly sealed, I just need to mail it or do a drive-by at a ballot drop. Oregon has no other options; it’s strictly “vote-by-mail,” something that is intended to generate greater voter participation.

One thing I don’t have to worry about is running a gauntlet of rowdy thugs demanding to see my ballot. That IS, however, the time-honored American way. Writing in the New Yorker, Jill Lepore describes the case of Baltimore voter George Kyle, who tried to vote for his state’s congressman in 1859:
"As he neared the polls…a ruffian tried to snatch his ballots. Kyle... heard a cry: his brother, just behind him, had been struck. Next, someone clobbered Kyle... “I felt a pistol put to my head,” he said. Grazed by a bullet, he fell….Someone else fired a shot, hitting Kyle in the arm. [A man] threw a brick, knocking him off his feet. George Kyle picked himself up and ran. He never did cast his vote. Nor did his brother, who died of his wounds."

Kyle’s candidate not only lost the election, he also lost his appeal of the election. The House of Representatives found that any “man of ordinary courage” could have made his way to the polls that day.

From the founding of the U.S. until the 20th century, elections would not be invalidated unless “there was such a display of force [by opposition party members at the polling place] as ought to have intimidated men of ordinary firmness.” The Baltimore incident described above was no isolated incident; nearly 90 prospective voters were killed in the mid-1800s when they tried to vote on Election Day.

Also interesting, George Kyle was carrying his ballot with him to the polling place. The notion of a “secret ballot” was unknown and many states didn’t allow voting on paper. (Heck, Kentucky stuck to voting “by voice” until 1891!)

If you did bring your own ballot, you might have to fill it out right there at the polling place, which had no isolation booth. You had to supply the paper and remember every candidate for every office. Spelled a name wrong? Your vote was invalid.

In 1859, there wasn’t a single locale in the U.S. that provided ballots for its voters. This led political parties to print their own “party tickets” for voters to return. To advertise the party, these ballots came to be printed on colossal, bright sheets of paper that couldn’t be easily concealed as a person went to the polling place.

The state of Maine wised up to this and in 1831, protected voters by requiring uniform ballots. (Of course, the state didn’t actually PROVIDE the ballots.) This was not an example other states followed; secret ballots were suspicious; why would an honest American hide his political opinion?

But by following the example set by advanced civilizations like Australia and Maine, by 1896, government-printed ballots were used in 39 states. By the way, voter turnout during the 1800s averaged about 80% nationally. Though more types of people can vote safely today, we’re lucky to get 50% of people to the polls.

Cynics say that after the 2000 election debacle, people feel disenfranchised. Puh-leeze. Dismal voter turnouts predated 2000. It used to take bravery to vote in the U.S. Now that it’s safe and easy, one only has to care.

Both historic images above are from the Library of Congress; both are taken from Harper's Weekly. The first is from 1857, and the second (titled "The First Vote") is from a decade later.

Blazers' Opener Overshadowed by Fu Manchu

The Trail Blazers opened their season last night against the Lakers (we hates 'em!). How did the game go? Never mind.

It was overshadowed by Charlotte Bobcat and former longhair Adam Morrison showing up at practice with a new look.

As teammate Jared Dudley pointed out, if it seems familiar, think Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy. But hey, at least Morrison hung on to his sparse Fu Manchu action.

As to the Blazers... oh, I still can't talk about it.

Campaign Blast from the Past

Paid for by the Friends of Stephen Douglas.

Killer Billboard

Where: The Yinji Shopping Mall in Zhengzhou, China.

What: A mannequin hanging by his neck from the top of the billboard.

Ad Translation: "It's better to invest money here [in China] than put it into the stock market." (Yes, it's a reference to the global financial crisis.)

Public Reaction: Panic. Crying children. Lots of complaints.

Official Reaction: A deputy director of the local trade bureau: "Without the hanging man, it's really not that shocking."

Jiang Chengpu (creative director of the ad): "We are making fun of the depressing stock market here. And the place the mannequin is hanging is right next to the stock index line."

Actually, Absquatulation COULD Be a Policy

Although American writers got skunked again on the Nobel Prize for Literature, the U.S. has made remarkable contributions to the world of words. For instance, it was in the U.S. that one of the coolest words of all time was invented: puckerstopple (to be embarrassed).

Sadly, this word is not used much anymore, which is a great source of puckerstopplement for me. Other auspicious words of American origin include:

• goshbustified: very pleased
• sockdologer: a heavy blow
• blustrification: celebrating loudly
• dumfungle: to use up
• absquatulate: to leave quickly

Once in a while, one of these old-timers makes a comeback. In 2007, Senator Orrin Hatch protested a withdrawal from Iraq by saying, “Absquatulation is not a policy.”

As English is the official language of forty-four nations, and the unofficial international lingo, United States citizens communicate relatively easily when abroad. This also leads to a mindset that English is more universal than it actually is. This helps explain why Texas governor Miriam Ferguson once said, “If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it’s good enough for us.”

Our English reliance also puts American politicians at the mercy of interpreters when they travel. Consider Jimmy Carter’s 1977 trip to Poland. While there, the president said in English, “I have come to listen to your opinions and hear your desires for the future.” Carter’s interpreter then translated that to something that meant, “I desire the Polish people [in an inappropriate way.]” Oops! (Carter as a Naval Academy cadet, above.)

Extra Word Credit: After 9/11, Congress passed the USA PATRIOT Act. This is an acronym; do you know what it stands for?
My sources are here.

Free-Range Fever

"Free-range chicken ain't free and that ain't no range. Venison is free-range. The almighty Ruffled Grouse is free-range. I'm free-range. Chickens are incarcerated.... If it can't get away, it ain't free-range and I ain't interested."

Ted Nugent (with Shemane!) in Kill It & Grill It

Outlaw Oops

You might say that I'm impatient for the NBA season to start. In anticipation of it, here's Sergio Rodriguez oop-ing Travis Outlaw on two consecutive possessions last year. (The reaction of the guys on the Blazers' bench is classic.)

The Justice Society Gets Creative

The U.S. legal system can take some unexpected twists. For example, in California, U.S. District Court Judge Florence-Marie Cooper just took away a logo from the Mongols. (They're a motorcycle gang.)

Cooper granted an injunction disallowing gang members from wearing or distributing the Mongols' logo, and the government can now seize ANYTHING with the trademark. And the odd legality is that the U.S. government assumes control of the logo. So while Mongols can’t wear or fly their own symbol, anyone else can.
But since this is part of a nationwide crackdown on the Mongols for charges like murder, torture, and drug trafficking, it's hard to imagine a citizen hazarding a legal but foolhardy foray into Mongol biker gear.

Legal Loop II: A New York Times article about North Carolina lawyer Staple Hughes related that in the 1980s, he represented Jerry Cashwell, a man who privately admitted to Hughes that he had committed murder alone.
This was important because another man, Lee Hunt, was wrongly sentenced to life in prison for these very murders. At the time, Hughes could not tell anyone that he knew this was unjust imprisonment. A lawyer is required to keep a client’s secrets secret, even if it means that someone innocent goes to jail.

But in 2008, Hughes couldn't carry the truth around anymore. Jerry Cashwell—his original, murdering client—was dead, and the innocent Lee Hunt had spent 26 years behind bars. So Hughes tried to share what he knew. But no one wanted to hear it!

In fact, a judge ordered Hughes NOT to testify to what he knew. But Hughes did anyway, and for that, he was reported to his state bar and given a disciplinary complaint for professional misconduct. Experts in “legal ethics” agree that Hughes should've spoken up only if Lee Hunt was going to be executed for the crime he didn’t commit. Life behind bars? Deal with it. (Massachusetts is the only state that would have allowed Staple’s testimony.)

Last Legal Loop: When a certain executive candidate was recently asked to name a disagreeable Supreme Court decision, the candidate in question froze up. It must have been a lonely feeling. It was so uncomfortable to watch, many viewers wished they could help out by whispering an answer.

We weren't alone: A recent survey of professors of constitutional law and other court experts came up with plenty of controversial Supreme Court decisions to choose from. Many experts agreed that one of the all-time worst Supreme Court decisions was the relatively forgotten one of San Antonio School District vs. Rodriquez.

In 1973, the Supreme Court reached a 5-4 ruling held that education was NOT a fundamental right under the U.S. Constitution. The court also found that that funding differences between rich and poor school districts did not violate "equal protection of the laws.” (The kookiness of that ruling makes taking ownership of a motorcycle gang's logo seem rather... pedestrian in comparison!)

Event Announcement: "Fold your way into a prepubescent frenzy"

"Employ your immaturity at the New Millennium Paper Airplane Contest, a competition meant for New York City boy-men. Fold your way into a prepubescent frenzy, then be judged for your efforts. Categories include: Furthest Distance Flown, Longest Time Aloft and Most Spectacular Failure. Bring your own sandwiches (with crusts cut off)." The New York Hall of Science, Registration: paperairplanecontest.org

From today's New York Times.

Does Jay Walker Give Out Library Cards?

What makes a satisfying home library? Books, obviously, but one must have the right KIND of books. And even then, a huge library built of mere paperbacks is an unsatisfactory thing. One needs an agreeable ratio of hardbacks, first editions, limited print runs, and signed copies to make the paperbacks palatable.
Sprinkling in interesting artifacts can also enhance a book collection, giving it that neo-museum vibe. With this in mind, take a gander at Jay Walker's library. As an insanely wealthy Internet entrepreneur (he founded websites like Priceline.com) Walker could afford to have his library built to exacting specifications. For example, if you look above, you can see that his library has an original Sputnik 1 satellite hanging from the rafters. Nice.

Steven Levy got to write up Walker's library for Wired, (lucky rotter!), and his tour covers all three levels and 3,600 feet of Walker's jewel-embossed books, historical tomes, and first editions from the first printing presses. La biblioteca has more esoteric ephemera too, like a “framed napkin from 1943 on which Franklin D. Roosevelt outlined his plan to win World War II.”
I'd happily settle just for this reading alcove. Toward the window, that’s not a book, it’s a sculpture. Foreground: Andrea Cellarius's hand-painted celestial atlas (1660). If that's too old school for you, check out the technology corner.
Electronica:
One Laptop per Child XO (far left)
RadioShack TRS-80 Model 100
1911 typewriting machine and 1909 Kent radio (back)
Nazi-era Enigma code machine (contraption in center)
Johannes Trithemius' 1518 Polygraphiae (left of it)
Apple II motherboard (right)
Edison kinetoscope next to 1890 Edison phonograph (w/ wax cylinders)
IBM processor, circa 1960 (tube technology!)

If there is an unbecoming slobbering subtext to this blog entry, my apologies. I suppose I should be content with my own books, slightly rare and otherwise. After all, my guess is that just as I don't own any Andrea Cellarius, neither does Jay Walker have some of the titles in MY collection.

Sunrise, Sunset

Guerrilla stickers stick again. These Obama sunrise logos are appearing on street signs in Georgia, Virginia, and North Carolina. (Created by ad agency BooneOakley, the decals are apparently free at GObamaNC.com.)

Does this qualify as mischief, pernicious or otherwise? Dunno! Here's another question: Are there any sticker campaigns going on from the opposing party?

Puerility Defined

Note the color key on the bottom.

We're All in This Together... Hey, What's With the Knife?

The Gorani are a small ethnic group in the Balkans who maintain their traditional ways of life within a 21st century Europe. For example, inhabitants of two Gorani villages in southernmost Kosovo celebrate a four-day festival called the Sunet every five years.

Sunet’s most attention-getting feature is its mass circumcision, the origins of which are lost in the mists of the past. (Good News: I’ll never write a sentence like that again.) As explained in Der Spiegel, an impressive array of festivities have sprung up around this collective rite of passage, including “oil wrestling, tug-of-war, stone throwing and live music from traditional five-man brass bands.”

There were 130 participants in the most recent Sunet, all between 10 months and 5 years of age. The honors for the task fall to a 70-year old barber named Zylfikar Shishko. The barber knows his business; after 45 years of service, Shishko guesses he’s performed this duty more than 15,000 times.

In an odd turn of events (and pages), I finished Shalom Auslander’s memoir (pictured above) just before learning of the Gorani. Coincidence? (This makes me wonder what will happen when I finish my current book, Penn Jillette's How to Cheat Your Friends at Poker.)

Why Kevin Martin Is a Bad Person (Evidence to the Contrary Notwithstanding)

When Kevin Martin of the Sacramento Kings dunked on Greg Oden he won a $1,000 bet from teammate Mikki Moore. (The bet was on who would be the first to do so.) This is objectionable for two reasons:
1.) Gambling is bad.
2.) He dunked on Greg Oden. (Announcer: “Zzzz, blahblah—OH WHAT A MOVE!”)

ADDENDUM (10/28/08): The New York Times revealed that in the following game against the Clippers, Ricky Davis offered $500 to the first player who could dunk on Oden. It's a trend! Anyway, the Kings lost thanks to the Portland Armada of Sergio Rodriguez and Rudy Fernandez.

My Apologies

I appeared on AM Northwest this morning. Sadly, the link to the video is now gone. Where were you?

Our Botanical Blogosphere

Members of the blogosphere comprise a select group. After all, not just anyone can have a blog. (Correction: My fact-checker assures me that anyone can have a blog. So I got this license for nothing!?)

How about this: Out of the several billion people on the planet, only a select several hundred million are bloggers. Most of those blogs are written in Japanese (not English) and the ranks of Japanese bloggers have increased by one houseplant. Known as “Midori-san,” the botanical blogger is a hoya kerrii, which is called a "sweetheart plant" for its heart-shaped leaves.
Midori-san lives in a Japanese restaurant near Tokyo, where it writes with the assistance of leaf-sensors. These sensors combine temperature and weather information with signals from the plant. All this is fed into an algorithm, and… you don’t care, do you? The result is log postings like, "Today was a sunny day and I was able to sunbathe a lot... I had quite a bit of fun today."

Another entry: “Deadbeat customer tried to dine-and-ditch today. I contemplated uprooting myself for pursuit. Chose to photosynthesize instead.” (Okay, I made that up.)

Am I resentful that a houseplant’s blog draws significantly more visitors than Unexpectedly Bart!? Of course! So while I weep bitter tears, take a spin to Midori-san’s blog and enjoy the different moods (and photos!) of a hoya kerrii.

Video from the Telegraph.co.uk:

Ghost Writers on the Storm

“I don’t think the American people want politics and the presidency to become the plaything of the high-pressure men, of the ghostwriters, of the public relations men. I think they will be shocked by such contempt for the intelligence of the American people. This isn’t soap opera, this isn’t Ivory Soap versus Palmolive."

Adlai Stevenson in 1952, after seeing a TV ad (the first of its kind!) by Dwight Eisenhower. (Four years later, Stevenson's campaign would also use them.) Above, Stevenson arrives at the 1952 Democratic National Convention in Chicago. Photo from the Library of Congress.

The Best Chess Match You'll See Today

This chess game starts off drolly, but you'll be reaching for your blood pressure medication soon enough.

Just Hum Along If You Don't Know the Words

To protest the wastefulness of driving giant Hummers, the founders of Tag a Dummer have created a giant letter “D” which can be superimposed over the auto’s “H”. It turns a Hummer into a Dummer. See?

Whatever your feelings on this sort of mischief, the particular alteration above seems richly deserved. But as much as I like a troublemaker, I winced a bit at the site's disingenuous legal notice:

The creators of this website do not endorse any form of vandalism. The intention of the website is to educate people about driving certain vehicles that are on the market. Whatever a person does with the resources available on this site is 100% this person’s responsibility.

Yes, I'm sure the Dummer creators would be shocked (shocked!) to find that someone was actually using their big letters. (And do they actually qualify as vandalism?) No worries, though. Hummer owners are known for their enjoyment of a good hoax. After all, one could argue that they're playing one of their own every time they get behind the wheel.
Last Thing: It's doubtful that Hummer/Dummer owners will be persuaded to change their ways because of an adhesive letter on their car. So is the only rationale in adhering the letter their ridicule? While the petty part of my brain (about 92% of it!) applauds this notion, the Tag a Dummer website succeeds so admirably in its stated goal of educating visitors about Hummers, I wonder if they should stick with that and subtract the stickers. (Oh, and I believe the sticker above is a nice satirical twist on Hummer demonization)

The Man in the Cape

Since at least one U.S. presidential candidate seems to have super-powers, let’s check in with the last president who had the guts to wear a cape in public.
Franklin D. Roosevelt (pictured here at the 1945 Crimean Conference) was known to drape a cape around his shoulders, and somehow he did so with style. This is partly due to FDR’s innate savoir faire, but perhaps can also be credited to the fact that his mom made him wear a dress until he was five. (This was a common clothing choice for young boys in the 19th century.)

Photo from the Library of Congress. My sources are here.