Reviews 'n' Such

Over at Duffbert’s Random Musings, Amazon.com legend Thomas Duff has a review up of The Pocket Guide to Magic. In it, he states:

“I most like King's writing style. He certainly doesn't take himself seriously, and his writing can be as wacky as Dave Barry or Tim Dorsey (which makes me wonder if Bart spent time in Florida before settling here in Portland Oregon). I found myself laughing along with getting educated at the same time.”

And over at the Did I Mention…? blog, Tricia shares that one of her friends has been reading The Big Book of Girl Stuff. This is of concern, in that it “seems to cover quite a broad range of topics, as it seems like no matter what we discuss, Kaylie can share some tidbit she learned from this book. Or she is peppering her conversation with…little gems.”

So there you have it: Girl Stuff is raising the level of discourse far and wide!

We May Be Dolts, But at Least We Don't Wear Gymnasium Suits

I recently adapted, updated, and expanded on a 1910 book on games, namely Jessie Bancroft's Games for the Playground, Home, School & Gymnasium.

In it, I was disconcerted to learn that the children of yesteryear apparently possessed powers that make modern adults look like dolts. Bancroft’s game players were assumed to be able to play the piano (or other musical instrument) and also to have the ability to compose short speeches on the spot. Some games even required the players to possess a working knowledge of diverse fields like botany and the classics. (Gasp!)

In addition to quaint anachronisms (girls needed to wear “gymnasium suits” for active recreating), political correctness had not yet been concocted. To wit, here is a paraphrased version of the game of “Gypsy”:
****
One player is selected for gypsy, and one for the mother. The other players are children. The gypsy hides while the mother says to her children:

"I charge my children every one
To keep good house while I am gone;
You and you, and especially you,
Or else I’ll beat you black and blue."

The mother then goes away and the gypsy comes in, takes away a child, and hides her, repeating this until all of the children are gone. The mother returns and, finding her children gone, searches for them. When all the children are brought back home, the whole family chases the gypsy.
****
Other games in the volume:

—Misleadingly Doesn’t Involve Lunchmeats: “Wee Bologna Man” (sort of a Simon Says game)

—Mind-numbingly Boring: Bargain Counter (“Each player is required to find the names of twenty-five textiles that may be purchased in a dry goods store…”)

—Bewildering: “Dumb Crambo”

—Made Me Briefly Question the Author’s Sanity: “[Tetherball] is one of the most delightful and vigorous games…”

—Misleadingly Bawdy: “Spanish Fly” (an innocent jumping game)

So what did my book adaptation lead to? Why, I'm glad you asked!

This Is Why Twitter Rocks Like a Hurricane

The Best Book Ever Written

Why is this new book so funny? Maybe it's the model's expression. I'm imagining the photographer's directions:

"No, no, you didn't just spill your Gatorade— you're in fear for your life. Try screaming 'Nooooo!' Got it! That's a wrap, people."

I also like the book's promo copy that appeared in today's Publishers' Weekly (below): "Only a twist of fate and a very unusual crime solving method, makes The Eyes Have It: The Catch the best ever written."

The full listing:

“When the beautiful, but already married, Beverly Goodfellow joins South London’s leading charitable organization, she becomes involved with more than the Granson Charitable Club’s humanitarian activities. She becomes involved with its male president, Melcannoh Henrich, a prestigious man who owns a chain of night clubs and other unrelated businesses. His organization involves thousands of people with power and money. Beverly and Melcannoh’s affair has far-reaching implications. Melcannoh’s mistress, Stella Haynes, after learning of his indiscretion, vows to destroy him and his business. She recruits Balan Henson, one of Melcannoh’s henchmen. Balan has harbored a secret lust for Stella for many years and is willing to do anything to please her. Together, Stella and Balan hatch a plan to elicit revenge on Melcannoh. The plan involves contacting Beverly’s husband, Dr. James Goodfellow, who is dismayed to learn his wife has had an affair. Stella and Balan have no way of knowing that their plot will unleash a chain of murders in the city. The perpetrator almost gets away with the crimes, but is caught in the act in a most unusual way.”

"You're Not Even Close": How a Catch-Phrase Is Born

At Timberline Lodge yesterday, a woman from New Zealand gestured at the poorly illuminated lunch buffet and asked, "Do you have any notion of what that is?"

I assessed the situation. "It looks like it might be sauteed mushrooms on cornbread."

"You're not even close," the nearby chef said. "It's braised elk on potato focaccia."

For some reason, my nephew and niece found this exchange vastly amusing. And "you're not even close" has now turned into our favorite catch-phrase.

Regarding this graphic for the Sears grill, it is a real one. One hopes the ad is not even close to what the execs were really looking for.

Addendum: I did take a little bit of the braised elk. My first bite revealed a large mushroom. So I was close!

A Life Lived in Books

Livio de Marcho is an Italian who likes carving wood. The Venice-native is also a bibliophile, as evidenced by the three houses he’s carved that have a “books” motif.

De Marcho’s wooden books exist in a generic form; that is, there are no titles or authors on the spines or words on the pages (that I can make out, anyway). But if you commissioned one of these houses, it would have been fun to invent titles, excerpts and blurbs for these tomes.

And if you didn't have any ideas, the folks over at OrbitBooks.net would be happy to help. They just held a contest to pick a book title for their “most awesomely bad title-for an imaginary science fiction/fantasy novel”. The winner?

Across a Trembling Sea the Cyborg Fairies Dance

Reader comments on this book were also worthy. They included imaginary author endorsements (“Among the first books I received this week.” –Ursula K. LeGuin) and jacket copy (“She’s their only hope — and she doesn’t even know they exist”).

Ooh, here's another couple:

She thought the tumultuous ocean of her passion would be enough to win over the handsome fae stranger that haunted her dreams. But then she found out that he had a heart of steel — literally.

“This is a book. Things happen in it.” –Patrick Rothfuss

Portland Biker Is Up and Run— er, Pedaling

As the 1984 edition of Bill Walton can testify, nothing could be finer than bicycling in the great Pacific Northwest. Just breathe in those electric streetcar fumes! To honor our two-wheeling heroes, Portland Biker awaits you.

Award Winner: Least Appealing Column Lead

"A few weeks ago I sat in on my friend R.'s memoir writing course in Paris."

From over here.

Not the Sport of Kings: Binocular Soccer

I have a hard time using binoculars because they don’t fit over my glasses very well. And if I take my glasses off to use them, my field of vision is just a blurry mess.

So yes, these strangely-clad people staggering around trying to play soccer while wearing binoculars are really funny... but where they merely whiff at the ball, I would throw out my universal joint at the first opportunity.

And have you ever seen a striped player wearing binoculars go down while clutching his universal joint? It's not pretty!

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Found in Translation

One of the oddest sensations for an author (this one, anyway) is seeing one’s writing after it's been edited, illustrated, and laid out on a page. Viewing these layouts, there is an odd sense of déjà vu. Yes, these are the pictures I described, but they've been filtered through an artist’s brain in unforeseeable and delightful ways.

The illustrations are familiar, yet unfamiliar. It’s sort of like watching someone else ride off on your bike, or sitting in the back seat of the car that you always drive.

This sensation was magnified yesterday when I got the Chinese language editions of The Big Book of Boy Stuff and The Big Book of Girl Stuff. Both books have new covers and scrambled page designs. For example, the table of contents in Girl Stuff runs for a number of pages; each chapter’s contents having been enlarged upon to a very specific degree (example, left). I could see where this would be helpful, sort of like having the index of the book in the front.

Regarding the cover of Boy Stuff, I’m not sure what to make of the silhouette of the boy; is he holding a football? A rugby ball? Surely neither of these sports are popular in China? And lastly, while I have no background in Chinese, I must question some of the translations. I mean, ?? Puh-leeze!

The Power of Vocabulary

Huckster and circus founder P.T. Barnum hung a sign in one of his sideshows reading “TO THE EGRESS.”

While the sign may have led people to think that an exotic animal lurked beyond it, this was of course, the exit. This was done either to make room for new customers or to force interested ones to buy admission tickets twice. But either way, it reminds me of the old saying: “There’s a sucker walking out that door every minute.”

High-Tech Wonderment

As seen in the window of Jackson Street Books in Athens, Georgia.
(Photo by Rich Rennicks.)

Tie My Shoe

As someone responsible for a number of unlikely-sounding books, I’m attuned to other volumes with unlikely-sounding titles. For example, I particularly liked both the name and cover of Your Hair Is Dead. The designers had fun here; it seems like they’re almost daring the youthful reader to learn about the spine-chilling facts of… hair! (Also in the same “It’s True!” series: An Octopus Has Deadly Spit and We Came from Slime.)

Over at Publishers Weekly, blogger Alison Morris gathered a few of her favorite vintage kids’ covers. These include the perplexing Goody Naughty Book (The Naughty Side). While I understand what Your Hair Is Dead is probably about, is the Goody Naughty Book part of a two-volume series, with the companion volume named Goody Naughty Book: The Goody Side? And if so, are the same kids shown in better moods? Speaking of which, since when did anyone being naughty look so surly? Maybe what the book really should be named is Good Naughty Book: The Cold-Busted and Sent to Your Room Side.

Here’s another vintage cover dealing with a child's inability to dress himself. So cute! Still, including the puppy is just gratuitous.

As for the Little Cub Scout, I actually remember this book from my own childhood! Looking at the cover today, I admire the spirited rendition of the scout’s energy. (But if memory serves, readers of the book learn that in the scout’s other hand is a freshly-skinned marmot.)