March 31, 2009

Last and Hindmost, I Am a Person

What I'm about to do is like shooting fish in a barrel. But in this case, there are only two fish, and both are experts at self-defense.

In his book Blackbelt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America, author Chuck Norris gives his byline as “Martial Arts Artist, Actor, Political Activist.”

If this sounds like self-puffery, contrast that with Steven Seagal's billing at his official site: “an accomplished actor, musician, martial artist, and philanthropist.”

As the centerpiece of films like Exit Wounds and Half Past Dead, I’ll allow Seagal the “actor” title. He has inarguably and arduously accomplished the act of acting. But I have clear enough memories of Spy magazine's scathing profile of Seagal to wince at “philanthropist.”

Ah, but shame on me! As Seagal’s site reveals, “first and foremost, he is a human being.” (Just once, I want someone to be last and hindmost a human being.)

In closing, my apologies for the acrid scent of snarkiness in this post. To dispel it, let me direct you to this inspirational passage from Norris's aforementioned Blackbelt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America.

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