
What I'm about to do is like
shooting fish in a barrel. But in this case, there are only two fish, and both are
experts at self-defense.
In his book
Blackbelt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America, author
Chuck Norris gives his byline as “Martial Arts Artist, Actor, Political Activist.”
If this sounds like self-puffery, contrast that with
Steven Seagal's billing at his official
site: “
an accomplished actor, musician, martial artist, and philanthropist.”

As the centerpiece of films like
Exit Wounds and
Half Past Dead, I’ll allow Seagal the “actor” title. He has
inarguably and arduously accomplished the act of acting. But I have clear enough memories of
Spy magazine's scathing
profile of Seagal to wince at “philanthropist.”
Ah, but shame on me! As Seagal’s site reveals, “
first and foremost, he is a human being.” (Just once, I want someone to be last and hindmost a human being.)

In closing, my apologies for the acrid scent of snarkiness in this post. To dispel it, let me direct you to this inspirational
passage from Norris's aforementioned
Blackbelt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America.
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