October 26, 2009

Quintuple Vowels, Okay. The Letter 'G'? Not So Much.

The Associated Press Stylebook is the go-to reference for journalists questioning grammar. The Fake AP Stylebook is a Twitter service that mocks it very, very well. Examples follow:

—“Avoid using the letter ‘G’ as it is unlucky.”

—“Precede basic statements of fact with ‘allegedly’ to avoid accusations of bias: ‘the allegedly wet water,’ ‘the allegedly poisonous poison.’”

—“Use the quintuple vowel to transcribe the utterances of small children, ‘Daaaaaddy, I waaaant a Pooooony!’”

—“If you do not have an interviewees’ full title, use their most defining physical trait (e.g. ‘Alan Hayes, fat guy, said…’)”

—“The numbers one through ten should be spelled out while numbers greater than ten are products of the Illuminati and should be avoided.”

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