February 26, 2010

You Have the Right to Have Fun

I'm working on a book about fun. It's titled Bart's King-Sized Book of Fun, which we can agree is the best book title of all time. So I've been thinking about questions I have about fun.

QUESTION: Is it fun to run away and join the circus?
Scenario 1:
Animal Trainer: Hey new kid, take this food over to the big cats’ cage.
You: How do I feed it to them?
Animal Trainer: Just stick the meat through the bars.
You: Like this? Uh-oh, the Bengal tiger seems to have me by the arm. Hey, I’m not one of your num-nums!
Bengal Tiger: Om, nom, nom.
Animal Trainer: Ooh! Agh! Arg! You know, that does NOT look like fun.

Scenario 2:
You: So I just walk out on the wire like this…
Tightrope trainer: And keep going!
You: Wow, I never realized that Niagara Falls was so far across.
Tightrope trainer (shouting to be heard): Better get started now, then.
You: Hey, look at me! Oh dear, I seem to have— [voice is lost in the roar of water]
Tightrope trainer: Looks like we’re going to need a new runaway.

Scenario 3:
Man: Look out! This massive circus tent is about to collapse on us!
Circus Person: Hundreds of people could be killed, or at least bothered by having tent cloth fall on them! What nincompoop set up this tent?
You: Well, I couldn’t find any directions, so I just sort of did the best I could—
[Tent collapses. Everyone survives.]
Survivors: Get him!

Scenario 4:
You: So by joining Cirque de Soleil, I hope to have more fun than at my previous jobs.
Cirque de Soleil Manager (in French accent): Yes, no worreez, young person. We have no wild animals here! Now put this on.
You: Put on this incredibly bright leotard?!
Cirque de Soleil Manager: Thees body stocking eez your performance outfit!
In conclusion, the odds seem to be against having fun as a circus runaway.

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