February 1, 2011

Snappy Answers to Stupid Passenger Requests

Flight attendants get some strange requests from air travelers. I learned this from a survey of 3,000 crew members for Virgin Atlantic.

Here are some of my favorite questions, along with the answers they should have gotten:

Passenger: Please, can you open the window?
Flight Attendant: Sure! *opens window to shrieks of terror, gale-force winds*

Passenger: Can you show me to the showers?
Flight Attendant: Yes. *escorts person to tiny onboard bathroom, points to sink* Have fun!

Passenger: Can you take my children to the playroom?
Yes. *open window to shrieks of terror, gale-force winds*

Passenger: I have dropped my glass eye. Could you help me find it?
Flight Attendant: Sorry, I won’t be much help. I have TWO glass eyes.

Passenger: Could you turn the engines down? Because they’re too noisy.
Flight Attendant: Yes. *engine noise stops, plane goes into dive*

Passenger: Is there a McDonald’s onboard?
Flight Attendant: No, but there IS one below us. *opens window to shrieks of terror, gale-force winds*
Stories here and here.

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