Plan A: Hurl neighbor’s huge pumpkin into street; enjoy gargantuan splatter.
Result: Double hernia. (Pumpkin remains in place.)
Plan B: Hire two burly miscreants to hurl huge pumpkin into street.
Result: Quadruple hernias. (Pumpkin remains in place.)
Plan C: Infuriate homeowners by carving non-threatening “smiley face” into pumpkin.
Result: Powersaw blades snap like twigs in the gourd’s 24-inch rind.
Plan D: Detonate small thermonuclear device under pumpkin.