January 29, 2009

I Laughed While Reading, Part V of III

First, did you know that eggs contain egg? Just checking. Next, teenage writer Michael Yashinsky describes applying for a job as a bee mascot for a Detroit florist:
On the application, I wrote convincingly of my talents, which I noted were "flying, dancing, buzzing, and fake-stinging." Apparently, these... sparked their interest as they promptly called me back three months later.

[He dons the bee costume.] With high hopes, I bounded onto the sidewalk, my antennae scraping the sky... As glamorous as the job appeared from a distance, after ten minutes of breathing stale hot air within the heavy bee head, I began to feel woozy. With every hop, skip, and jump of my frenetic bee dance, the thick plastic skull bopped menacingly against my head... Yet despite the pain, heat, and wing-flapping fatigue, I made a decision. Not wanting to carry on the blighted tradition of my burned-out predecessor, I felt determined to find the joy in my job....

When teenagers cruised by, windows open and music blasting, I picked up on the beat and my Van Gogh-yellow legs followed suit, pollinating the pavement with funk. I was rewarded with riotous honking and boisterous shouts of appreciation.
Michael Yashinsky, "Confessions of a Teenage Mascot: My Life as a Bee" (Anthologized in The Best Teen Writing of 2007.)

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