September 28, 2009

Today Is “Ask A Stupid Question Day”!

What’s the opposite of a camel? One expert says that it’s a soap dish. It’s not alive, is found in moist places, and it has no hump. And if you think that’s a stupid question, you’re right! According to the Telegraph, this is a decades old American tradition. (Dang, I have to read a British newspaper to find that out?)

I guess stupid questions could take two forms: A question you should already know the answer to (“What’s my name?”) OR one that’s so rhetorical or inchoate, it never should have been posed at all. (“Which is older: pencils or dirt?”)

The Any Questions Answered (AQA) text service collected some of its stupidest questions and did a remarkably graceful job answering them, to wit:

Q: In Mars Bars, how much taller is Jeremy Clarkson than Tom Cruise?

A: A Mars bar is four inches long. Jeremy Clarkson measures 19.25 Mars Bars (six feet five), while Tom Cruise is 16.75 Mars bars high (five feet seven). That's a 2.5 Mars bar difference.

Q: What’s the funniest word in the world?

A: The funniest word in the English language is fartlek (an athletic training regime); other funny words include furphy, pratfall, parp and firkin.

Q: What is the best type of biscuit to make a mattress from?

A: The best type of biscuits to make a mattress from would be fig rolls or strawberry Newtons. They would be soft, but still provide some back support.

Q: I want to write a film script which makes me millions: what should it be about?

A: Based on the top-grossing films, your script should be about a young wizard and a robot looking for a ring on a pirate ship which sinks. Good luck.

Q: How long is a piece of string?

A: A piece of string is twice as long as half its length. It is usually shorter than the amount you need to wrap a parcel, but always long enough to tangle.

1 comment:

Heather said...

Excellent. To this list, I would add the perennial sales office coworker question: "Where's so-in-so?" Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It's a question that never gets less dumb.