December 15, 2016

Pun Day!

"So you're saying my salivary glands are over-producing?" I gushed.
Naming a restaurant "Shenanigans" doesn't send a very reassuring message about food quality.


Doctor: Your days are numbered.

OCD patient: Cool!


I can't find a trustworthy illustrator for my new book—they're all way too sketchy.


At the Pigment Factory:

"Did you throw away the old indigo?"

"Yes. The dye has been cast."


When I open my food cart, it'll be called Haute Dogs—and the buns will be strictly upper crust.


"So this app connects you instantly with an actress who can play your grandmother for social events."

"What’s it called?"



You never know what's going on inside someone else . . . with the exception of the time you spend in utero.


TEACHER: Kids, we're going to break down their classroom door then DESTROY that homeroom!

FIRST GRADER: "But isn't that class warfare?"


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