October 10, 2011

"Poets Ranked by Beard Weight"

The arrival of this indispensable book is a cause for rejoicing among those who closely follow the competitive world of bearded poets.

Would you like to know more? Naturlich!

"Everything that can be known about beards and much that can't." --The London Weekly Gazette

"Underwood's revolutionary syntheses lift the science of pogonology to hitherto undreamed of heights!" --Beards Illustrated
See how Whitman's beard stacks up against Longfellow's, Homer's, and Tennyson's! Poets Ranked by Beard Weight is a classic of Edwardian esoterica, a privately printed leaflet offered by subscription to the informed man of fashion and as a divertissement au courant for reading bins and cocktail tables of parlor cars, and libraries and smoking lounges of gentlemen's clubs . . . 
Of particular interest is Underwood's most significant invention-a grading system, known as the "Underwood Pogonometric Index," which calculates what he called "poetic gravity," or beard weight. Also included are the fundamentals of beard flirtation and a complete history of beard-based folklore and controversies.


P. A. Andrews said...

I have a very old publication by Tennyson,"The Complete Poetical Works", 'Author's Household Edition', Boston: Houghton, Osgood and Company. (Some serious caligraphy at his point): The Riverside Press, Cambridge. 1879. I must fully appreciate my beard's weight... for it is more representative of my early morning laziness than of stought, manly countenance. (Early morn' bein' pre- 3 in the am).

My beard is, a representation, an ommage to my early morning existance, for I have not the time nor the patience to cope with my own presence at such an ungodly hour prior to dawn, and must procede dilligently forward towards a goal only recognized by the local grocer/cafe. Everyone wants their bread...

P. A. Andrews said...

I have Tennyson's 'Complete Poetical Works', 'Author's household edition. Boston: Houghton, Osgood and Company. (Some serious caligraphy here;) The Riverside Press, Cambridge. 1879.

I'm proud of my own beard weight, regardless of its implications toward literary/artistical/profetical tendencies. It is a pure homage of my own indefferance towards a typical masculine countenance. I am too lazy a 2 o'clock in the a.m. to be concerned with anything other than showing a sudo-sub-culture-capability/significance towards the ultimate outcome of this rat-race.