January 1, 2017

Here's one way to start 2017 — with really bad jokes!

I've decided my new year's resolutions will work better in tiff.

(And let's forget about the great jpeg fiasco of 2016, ok?)
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"So you're an avian dermatologist? What's your most commonly diagnosed problem?"

"Goose pimples."
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I'm going to find out if electro-shock therapy can lift one's spirits.

Also? Don't use a butter knife to get a muffin from the toaster.
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ENGLAND, 1968:

"Okay lads, what're we going to call the band?"

*Ritchie Blackmore looks at his bruised forearm*

"What about Deep Purple?"
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BUYING GROCERIES:

"Paper or plastic?"

"Both. I want a real mixed bag."
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"Hello, Cheever Books."

"Is your bookstore multi-story?"

"Nope."

"But you can't do very well if you only sell one story."
*hangs up*
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City Council Meeting—

MAYOR: Why should we sign a toothless 'Stop the Reservoir' ordinance? We're dammed if we do, and dammed if we don't.
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"Does this steak meet FDA standards for chewability?"

"Yes, it's legal tender."





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