NEWS YOU CAN USE

It's science.

Jack-o'-Lantern Hall of Fame

Check out this literary gourd from

 the Truro Library (Massachusetts).

Take a spin with this micro-bus punkin!

Bonus "dog-mop" costume.

A quick experiment

After a quick software tutorial on Adobe Premier Pro CC,  I used a phone clip of our neighbor's yard to make this video. 

I set a limit of 15 minutes for production, and ran out of time before I could do a dissolve/fade at the end... plus, I think I'm missing a comma. 

Wait, I found one!  ,

We just blew our dog's mind

He's staring in wonder at our elaborate 

Halloween decorations!

WHO WANTS PIE

Baked with love by David Orr.

The face of terror (is really funny!)

These photos from a haunted house called Nightmares Fear Factory  have been cracking me up. See how they work for you!

 

 More below the break!

ADVENTURES IN DOGWALKING

1. Augie sniffs and digs excitedly in a pile of leaves. “What is it, boy?” I imagine something exotic, like raccoon spoor or a lost wallet. No, it’s a chocolate chip cookie.

2. Miffed by my cookie confiscation, Augie antagonizes a crow hopping nearby, who retaliates by divebombing us for a half-block.

3. A Chihuahua sneaks out the front door of a house across the street. It spots us, snarls, and charges, pursued by a gray-bearded man in overalls. The tiny hellhound is in full-attack mode, and it looks like it’s curtains for Augie and me. Then the Chihuahua gets mere steps away and freezes, motionless, until being safely scooped up by its owner. (Perhaps it sensed that Augie, deprived of his cookie, was a dog with nothing left to lose.)

4. Augie notes an apparition inflating behind a frontyard tombstone. He barks at it until the wraith shrinks down again. Absurdly satisfied at having vanquished his foe, the dog continues. (Meanwhile, the wraith automatically inflates up again behind us.)

5. We see our neighborhood’s coolest yards, then return home, exhausted from our exploits. We revive ourselves with mulled wine and kibble.

Wouldn't it be funny if one of my neighbors had this Halloween tombstone in their front yard?

I guess not.

NOOOOOOOOOO

Somebody from middle school vividly remembers all of those embarrassing things you did. #scaryhalloweenfact
— Robert Brockway (@Brockway_LLC) October 31, 2014

Dave Stelts grew a really big pumpkin!

Now that he's seen its weight, Dave could best be described as:

a. shell-shocked
b. out of his gourd
c. making plans for carving a stagecoach after midnight.

This is my sister.

She teaches middle school maleficiently!

Beware of . . . little Timmy the skeleton!

As Halloween pranks go, this simple one is the best I've seen.

Attention Trick-or-Treaters: Get Thee to Connecticut

Richard Florida and Charlotta Mellander created this map of the best places to trick-or-treat in the U.S. based on five factors:

• Number of kids aged 5 to 14;
• Household income (more money = more candy)
• Population density
• Walkability
• Creative spirit

My city of Portland, Oregon, came in at number 21. Not too shabby! Folks living in Bridgeport, Connecticut get the nation's best pickings. See how well your town does (or doesn't) here.

An Assault on the Dignity of Japanese Monsters

The Japanese haven’t “done” Halloween until recently, and even now, the idea of trick-or-treating seems strange to them. Nonetheless, the Japanese do have both a sophisticated horror aesthetic and a monster tradition that goes WAY back.

The creatures I'm referring to have lineages that predate Godzilla by centuries. They are known as the Yokai (“the otherworldly”), and there is a convenient field guide for those who are interested: Yokai Attack! The Japanese Monster Survival Guide by Hiroko Yoda.

This valuable tome teaches that the Oni is a formidable demon. But I’m plugged in enough to know that like many Japanese monsters, the Oni has suffered from a neotany makeover; this is the Japanese compulsion to make everything as cute as humanly possible. Fun Fact: Hello Kitty began life as an Oni, but has since been demoted to a mouthless mite. (Okay, I made that up.)

Washington Post reporter Blaine Harden
reveals that other creatures are less fortunate, e.g., the Onibaba (demon hag). She was formerly a “horribly unbalanced elderly woman who collects livers of unborn children.” Today, the Onibaba is a theme park mascot.

One monster that’s withstood assaults on its honor is Akaname (“the Filth Licker”). He eats bathtub scum. Try prettying THAT up. And if Akaname shows up in a Japanese house, it really is horrible. People in the Land of the Rising Standards of Hygiene take clean bathrooms seriously.

My Apologies

I appeared on AM Northwest this morning. Sadly, the link to the video is now gone. Where were you?