Actually, Absquatulation COULD Be a Policy

Although American writers got skunked again on the Nobel Prize for Literature, the U.S. has made remarkable contributions to the world of words. For instance, it was in the U.S. that one of the coolest words of all time was invented: puckerstopple (to be embarrassed).

Sadly, this word is not used much anymore, which is a great source of puckerstopplement for me. Other auspicious words of American origin include:

• goshbustified: very pleased
• sockdologer: a heavy blow
• blustrification: celebrating loudly
• dumfungle: to use up
• absquatulate: to leave quickly

Once in a while, one of these old-timers makes a comeback. In 2007, Senator Orrin Hatch protested a withdrawal from Iraq by saying, “Absquatulation is not a policy.”

As English is the official language of forty-four nations, and the unofficial international lingo, United States citizens communicate relatively easily when abroad. This also leads to a mindset that English is more universal than it actually is. This helps explain why Texas governor Miriam Ferguson once said, “If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it’s good enough for us.”

Our English reliance also puts American politicians at the mercy of interpreters when they travel. Consider Jimmy Carter’s 1977 trip to Poland. While there, the president said in English, “I have come to listen to your opinions and hear your desires for the future.” Carter’s interpreter then translated that to something that meant, “I desire the Polish people [in an inappropriate way.]” Oops! (Carter as a Naval Academy cadet, above.)

Extra Word Credit: After 9/11, Congress passed the USA PATRIOT Act. This is an acronym; do you know what it stands for?
My sources are here.

Campaign Blast from the Past: Those @!&%! Voters!

American political candidates regularly pay carefully-phrased compliments to the American public. They know the most basic rule of politics: NEVER insult your voters.

It sounds obvious, but even veteran politicians sometimes forget. Senator Jim Watson (right, 1862-1948) was in office for six terms. But when he said, “You can vote for me or go to hell," Watson lost the next election.

Hearing of Watson's gaffe, Calvin Coolidge quipped, “He gave them a difficult alternative.” (Capping irony: If you visit Watson's official Senate page, it has the heading: James E. Watson: "Impossible Not to Like.")

Frontiersman Davy Crockett (1786–1836) had better timing than Watson, but worse results. Starting in 1827, Crockett served three terms in Congress. But after losing his seat in 1835, Davy told voters to "go to hell."

Crockett left town and went to the Alamo. In less than a year, he was dead.

The most legendary line along these lines came courtesy of Dick Tuck. After losing his bid for California state Senate seat in the 1960s, Tuck joked, "The people have spoken— the bastards."

Representative Morris Udall (left, with JFK) used the same line after losing the Democratic presidential primary to Jimmy Carter. Like Tuck, Udall also had a sense of humor... and he needed it, since that was the fifth time he'd lost a presidential primary!

As for McCain and Obama, they'll probably navigate the next weeks of campaigning without incident. (We'll see about Biden and Palin.) Nonetheless, two of these candidates will soon want to what Abraham Lincoln said about losing an election. The great American president said that it made him feel like a boy who’s stubbed his toe: he’s too old to cry, but it hurts too much to laugh.

*My sources are here.

Royal Mistakes

This video shows President George Bush welcoming Queen Elizabeth II on her White House visit in 2007.

The President says, “You helped our nation celebrate its Bicentennial in 17—”

Realizing his mistake, Bush corrects himself and continues, “—in 1976.” What you can't see is Queen Elizabeth glancing over at him and muttering something. To his credit, Bush accepts the moment in good humor, adding, “She gave me a look that only a mother could give a child.”

Annoying the Queen is a bipartisan endeavor. When Jimmy Carter was president, he kissed the queen on the lips! She was properly outraged. Sadly, there's no good video of that moment, though.