I'm in McSweeney's!

My piece, "Philip Marlowe, Zumba Leader," is up over at the humor site, McSweeney's. I am very happy about this.

(Don't know what Philip Marlowe or Zumba are? Check those links!)

Endings You May Use in Your Next Novel

The following two sample chapter endings come from “Thrilling Chapter Endings You May Use in Your Next Novel” by Zhubin Parang. (It’s found in The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes.)

1.) [PROTAGONIST] grimly shook his head, knowing that his plan was not working, and also that the person reading this book has no idea that right now there is a Mad About You marathon on TV.

Note: This is a long shot, but if it works, the reader will be totally freaked out.

2.) “Does this mean we’re breaking up?” [MALE PROTAGONIST] asked, struggling to keep his voice from breaking.

“I think so,” [FEMALE PROTAGONIST] whispered, as tears rolled down her cheek. “I just think we’ve grown apart… I’m so sorry.”

[MALE PROTAGONIST] slowly nodded, and his thoughts briefly flitted to the day they first met, that summer after freshman year, when the world seemed to BOO!

Note: Ideally, this ending should be used in conjunction with some sort of timed firecracker device hidden in the book’s binding. Talk to your publisher.