Plan A: Hurl neighbor’s huge
pumpkin into street; enjoy gargantuan splatter.
Result: Double hernia.
(Pumpkin remains in place.)
Plan B: Hire two burly
miscreants to hurl huge pumpkin into street.
Result: Quadruple hernias.
(Pumpkin remains in place.)
Plan C: Infuriate homeowners by
carving non-threatening “smiley face” into pumpkin.
Result: Powersaw
blades snap like twigs in the gourd’s 24-inch rind.
Plan D: Detonate small
thermonuclear device under pumpkin.
Result: Pending.
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