Tweet mania!

MILITARY TOUR:

"And over here is a division composed entirely of grandmothers. It's called—"

"Please, don't say it!"

"The Granny Unit."

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 22, 2016

Well, as long as it isn't dangerous . . . pic.twitter.com/agvSLAbpY4

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 22, 2016

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."

—Kurt Vonnegut

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 22, 2016

This guy's a pretty lousy Johnny Depp impersonator. pic.twitter.com/3afFJfYdYU

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 21, 2016

A double negative is a definite no-no.

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 20, 2016

"No, me Tarzan. YOU matter."

--Tarzan pic.twitter.com/oNXxCyVfov

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 21, 2016

"I have whales inside of me!"

—The little girl across the street explaining that she's Welsh.

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 20, 2016

L.L. Bean-bag. pic.twitter.com/eoHcdnztvS

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 20, 2016

I like to set a good example as a lifelong learner by taking adult education classes.

—What I'm thinking as I get ready for Traffic School.

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 16, 2016

I refuse to tweet about geology because it's beneath me.

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 10, 2016

Hey, I wonder if I'll get a free coffee if I wear this around today? pic.twitter.com/g4DWFMRfIW

— Bart King (@BartKing) November 6, 2016

Wordstock is this Saturday!

Portland’s book festival, Wordstock, is this Saturday (Nov. 5th)! I’ll be there, talking onstage with talented author Kate Ristau and über-moderator Diana Armstrong. (Details below.) So if you can make it, BE THERE. ☺

Now, see if you can pick me out of this section of the event's huge authors’ roster. To make it extra challenging, I’ve removed the names.

HINT: I’m in disguise.

I'll be at the Portland Art Museum, on the Miller Gallery Stage, on November 5th, 5:00 pm - 5:45 pm

LAST HINT: There are three photos in existence of me with a

beard. Somehow, the promoters found one of them!

Graphic by Kate Ristau!

It's a nice day for a drive!

So if you have some time this afternoon, come by A Children's Place this afternoon. I'll be in the front window of the store today (and the rest of the week), writing, goofing off . . . and even snacking!

Of Apples and Literary Festivals

The Oregonian has a number of writers weighing in on what Wordstock (Portland's literary festival) means to them. Above is my contribution!

Wordloaf Literary Conference

The Simpsons often has terrific literary references. Take this one, which manages to mock literary festivals like Portland's own Wordstock AND author Philip Roth!

See a writer in his unnatural habitat!

Over here is a story in the Oregonian about my upcoming writing gig in the window of a bookstore. Check it!

How Much Is That Author in the Window?

Best-selling children’s author Bart King will be writing his next book in the front window of A Children’s Place bookstore (4807 NE Fremont, Portland, OR) from October 3-7.

Passersby will see King writing his new YA novel, No Vampires. No Zombies. One Demon. Additionally, they may be treated to rare glimpses of the writer chatting, snacking, and goofing off.

King is engaging in this impressive act as a lead-in to Wordstock, Portland’s premier literary event. (Wordstock’s main events are October 8-9 at the Oregon Convention Center.) But he also has more selfish motives.

“There are too many distractions when I write at home,” the author said. “The bird chirps; good grief, the chirps! It’s maddening. But by sequestering myself away from all human contact in this bookstore window, I’ll finally get some work done.”

King’s laptop will be projected onto a large screen, so his progress will be visible to all. “I’ll be open to suggestions as I write,” the author said. “I’m especially willing to listen to any film offers.”

But wait—King is best known for his humorous nonfiction. Why is he writing his first novel in a shop window? “True, this project is outside of my usual comfort zone,” King replied. “So I’m writing this book in my DIScomfort zone. Ha! Do you see what I did there?”

This event will be quite a thrill for visitors interested in seeing a writer in his natural habitat. Particularly grateful onlookers may choose to take advantage of the author’s Tip Jar.

The Oregonian

—A CHILDREN’S PLACE has been the premier children’s bookstore in the Pacific Northwest for over thirty years. While it has hosted events with authors like Rick Riordan, Suzanne Collins, and Brian Jacques, nothing can match the excitement the staff is feeling for this happening. (503) 284-8294

—BART KING writes funny books for younger readers and immature adults. His most recent is Cute! A Guide to All Things Adorable. Bart has over a half-million books in print,

B. King’s Writing Schedule

Mon., Oct. 3: 3-6 PM       Tues., Oct, 4: 2-5 PM          Wed., Oct. 5: 3-6 PM

                Thur., Oct. 6th: 2-5 PM         Fri., Oct. 7th: 1:30-4:30 PM

Literary Look-Alikes

Portland’s annual literary festival, Wordstock, was held the other week. Its volunteers hosted an impressive diversity of authors and bookish offerings. For instance, let’s say that you like your get-togethers populated with Star Wars stormtroopers, Elvis impersonators, and Ovaltine samples. Wordstock had you covered!

Below: Star Wars writer Steve Perry, an Ovaltine enthusiast, and Elvis.

But if I can offer a modest suggestion, perhaps Wordstock could profit from the example set by the Florida bar known as Sloppy Joe’s. Since 1981, Sloppy Joe’s has hosted one of the most prestigious literary awards in the nation. Yes, I’m referring to its annual Ernest Hemingway Look-Alike Contest.

What authors have the distinctive appearance and name recognition to merit a look-alike contest hereabouts? Oregon-based possibilities might include locals like Ken Kesey, Ursula LeGuin and Chuck Palahniuk (below, left).

Last Look-Alike Listing: Charlie Chaplin's distinctive walk, mustache, and appearance led to a number of Charlie Chaplin look-alike contests in the early days of motion pictures.

Just for kicks, Chaplin entered a Chaplin look-alike contest in San Francisco. He didn’t even make it to the finals!