The National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency Makes Me Sad

In my continuing tour of the websites of the United States' 16 military intelligence departments, I visited the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency. The NGA's mission is to make and analyze maps and photographs.

Ah, but can the NGA’s Kids’ Page rank up there with the National Security Agency’s CryptoKids page (post here)? It's not even close. Take a look at Exhibit A from from the NGA's “Games” section (right).

Since when is coloring in a weaksauce worksheet a “game”? This doesn’t even qualify as educational… I’m picturing the two cartographers charged with the task of putting this Kids’ site together. “Well, making sandwiches is kind of fun.” “Yeah, it's like a game!”

Another NGA kids' classic is being able to watch a desultory “fly through” of a map of... a copper mine?! “Pilots use information like this to ‘fly’ around areas just like a computer game” the text exults. Uh-huh.

For any kids mysteriously inspired by this material to seek out a career with the NGA, this page fills them in on the educational background they’ll need to enhance their geospatial-intelligence. (That would be elementary school, then middle school, high school and college.)

Man, the CryptoKids never looked so good.

Wondering About the CryptoKids

“Gentlemen do not read each other’s mail.”
Secretary of State Harry Stimson explaining why he shut down the U.S. code-breaking operation in 1929

The U.S. spends well over $50 billion a year gathering intelligence and there are SIXTEEN different agencies in the federal government devoted to this task. I don’t expect anyone to be able to name all of them, but can you name the largest intelligence-gathering agency? (The graphic to the left may be of assistance.)

Nope, not the CIA (motto: “Human intelligence on foreign targets”) though that would’ve been my first guess. It’s the National Security Agency (NSA) which is in charge of breaking and making codes and waging “information warfare.”

Like most self-respecting government agencies, the NSA has a "Kids' Page," and in this case, it's staffed by the CryptoKids. In addition to providing fun and games for the grade-school set, the CryptoKids reveal their own biographies. But the back-stories are oddly rich in seemingly irrelevant detail... which makes me suspicious that there's a secret message inside of them! Case in point, Decipher Dog.
I've gone through this a couple of times no with no results, so let me know if you find anything. Now where's that Ovaltine decoder ring...