I can't...

These guys are freaking me out.

Kids toys in 1964 were terrifying!

Not to exaggerate, but this explains the meaning of life.

Have you ever seen a baby rattle from Germany?

"This liverwurst is a delectable kid's toy. The cuddly, soft liver sausage is a baby rattle that also squeaks. Rattles when shaken; squeaks when pressed. Handmade in Germany."

Via.

"Six Finger": A delightful hybrid of toy and prosthetic limb!

The Mother of All Hot Wheels Tracks

The 2,000-foot long course goes through more than a dozen rooms, then continues outside, into the street, into the backyard, then back in the house. (I just got goose-bumps!)

That Sound You Hear Is Barbie Screaming

This garish version of the Ken doll was announced in October... and cancelled in November! And so the product description is all that exists of this once-proud doll:

"Join the cool sophistication in breezy Palm Beach! Sporting a dashing jacquard-patterned jacket with a light pink polo shirt and crisp white pants, this Ken Doll is ready for the Palm Beach social season, sunning by the pool, and a stroll with his furry little companion. Fashion designed exclusively for the Silkstone Barbie Doll body... [this] includes a Ken doll, jacket, pink polo shirt, white shoes, dog with leash, swim trunks, accessories, doll stand, and certificate of authenticity."

From over here.

How Many Light Bulbs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

This self-referential joke wasn’t Theodore Roosevelt’s favorite, but it could have been:
Q. What is brown and sticky?
A. A stick.*

Writing in the Guardian, Anthony McGowan reflects on this joke for 600-plus words in his article, “Reflective reflections on self-referentiality.” (Sample: How can a stick be like a stick? A stick is not like a stick, a stick is a stick. Something sticklike, but not itself a stick could be "sticky" in this sense. Maybe a bony finger, or a Twiglet. But not an actual stick. So, the whole joke collapses in on itself.)

Best of all, the joke provides a segue-way to the recent news that the stick has been inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame. There, it can join other distinguished playthings enshrined for immortality like the cardboard box (class of 2005).

The stick was singled out as a natural and cheap toy that can be used in a wide variety of creative ways. For example, not only can a stick be a sword, it can also function as a spear, a mace, or a punchline.

Further, Toy Hall of Fame associate curator Susan Asbury said the stick “is generally thought of as lovable and cuddly, even if it can doze off or cry during play.”

Wait, she’s apparently describing the stick’s co-inductee, the Baby Doll there. A crying stick? That's just silly. (It would also make it impossible to "play softly and carry a quiet stick.")

* If you thought “dung” was the punchline, please. That’s the answer to the question, “What’s brown and sounds like a bell?”