Pun Day!

"So you're saying my salivary glands are over-producing?" I gushed.

Naming a restaurant "Shenanigans" doesn't send a very reassuring message about food quality.

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Doctor: Your days are numbered.

OCD patient: Cool!

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I can't find a trustworthy illustrator for my new book—they're all way too sketchy.

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At the Pigment Factory:

"Did you throw away the old indigo?"

"Yes. The dye has been cast."

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When I open my food cart, it'll be called Haute Dogs—and the buns will be strictly upper crust.

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"So this app connects you instantly with an actress who can play your grandmother for social events."

"What’s it called?"

"InstaGram."

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You never know what's going on inside someone else . . . with the exception of the time you spend in utero.

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TEACHER: Kids, we're going to break down their classroom door then DESTROY that homeroom!

FIRST GRADER: "But isn't that class warfare?"