Movie Snacks by State:

Computer, enhance image.

 

Computer, are you messing with me?

Have you ever seen THE SOUND OF MUSIC?

One thing always bothered me about that movie. No, not the lederhosen. It was when the boy in the family said this:

Dude, this is easy enough to test! But take it from me, it's not that great. (Sort of like bad kale.)
I wonder what grass tastes like

What kind of violence can I expect from this Godzilla movie?

Ah, "traditional Godzilla violence." Of course!

Thanks, Jeff Treppel.

Ed Gombert, we salute you!

In 1986, Disney big-shots made a marketing decision. They changed the title of an upcoming movie about mice from Basil of Baker Street to The Great Mouse Detective. So an animator who worked on the film named Ed Gombert wrote a fake memo renaming Disney’s back catalog of movies in a similarly lame style. For example, 101 Dalmatians becomes Puppies Taken Away. Brilliant!

 How many films can you identify? (Via.)

Lights! Cameras! Hey, where’s that Bart King book?

You MIGHT remember this quiz that had to do with news about a big Hollywood movie and little old me. See if you can select the proper choice:

1.) “My book will be turned into a movie starring Sean Penn. I will make a large heap of money and have full creative control.”

2.) “My book will be turned into a movie starring Vin Diesel. My artistic vision will be altered unrecognizably, but I will make a smallish heap of money. And my name will be in the credits!”

3.) “My book is being made into a made-for-TV movie. It will star David Hasselhoff. And I will receive free basic-cable forever.”

4.) “A movie starring Bruce Campbell is in production. It will use a book that I wrote as a pivotal plot device. In fact, my book will be the murder weapon!”

5.) “A character in a big-budget Disney movie will have a copy of one of my books. The book will be visible on-screen from anywhere from a nano-second to an oh-no-second. This movie will be one of the biggest box-office bombs in movie history.”

Correct choice: 5.

The movie: Mars Needs Moms. If you don’t remember this big-budget Disney film from March of THIS year, it’s because Mars Needs Moms came and went fast . . . but not fast enough to prevent the New York Times from calling it: 

“One of the biggest box-office bombs in movie history.”

But what went wrong? Mars Needs Moms had big stars, highly-paid talent behind the cameras, and state-of-the-art special effects! There are various theories about what the problem was, including:

• Seth Green
• The creepily unnerving combination of live action and animation.
• Nobody wanting to see a movie about moms being kidnapped, least of all kids.

But the film was doomed for a much simpler reason. Look at this freeze-frame; The Big Book of Boy Stuff is visible to the left (apologies for the low resolution).

"So what?" you ask? Take a closer look!

That’s right, The Big Book of Boy Stuff has been reduced from its 315 page glory to a mere . . . PAMPHLET. We can all see what happened next: My outraged and disappointed fans (both of them!) passed along the bad word-of-mouth that ensured this movie’s demise.

But to end on a more hopeful note, let me encourage Hollywood to try again. If I may, I know of a certain title that has REAL box office potential. I don’t want to say too much, but it’s got a certain magic, a je ne sais quoi quality that could make it an adorable little blockbuster . . .