I have a question!

There's a new Barbie out that puts a gritty spin on the famous doll. To wit:

The tokidoki® Barbie® doll is always ready for cutting-edge fashion! She pops on a pink miniskirt, logo leggings and black top with signature skull heart and bones, carries a large bag from the brand, then adds bracelets, a belt, and sky-high sparkly silvery shoes! This funky fashionista features trendy tattoos and a pink bob. With cactus friend, Bastardino, by her side, she’s ready for fun in fashion-forward form!

So here's my question: What the heck is a cactus friend?

A Question About Bikes and Barbie

How is it possible to be cool when you're perched on a Barbie Bike?

I don't know, but this guy manages it!

Barbie Plays Soccer...and Freaks Me Out!

With the world getting geared up for the World Cup, I guess there are going to be a lot more soccer games out there. But I’m still surprised to see this fusball table for Barbie (made by a designer named Chloé Ruchon.

It’s not that women aren’t great soccer players. They are! And I know that fusball figures don’t usually have arms. 

But still, is it just me or does this look just a little freaky?

That Sound You Hear Is Barbie Screaming

This garish version of the Ken doll was announced in October... and cancelled in November! And so the product description is all that exists of this once-proud doll:

"Join the cool sophistication in breezy Palm Beach! Sporting a dashing jacquard-patterned jacket with a light pink polo shirt and crisp white pants, this Ken Doll is ready for the Palm Beach social season, sunning by the pool, and a stroll with his furry little companion. Fashion designed exclusively for the Silkstone Barbie Doll body... [this] includes a Ken doll, jacket, pink polo shirt, white shoes, dog with leash, swim trunks, accessories, doll stand, and certificate of authenticity."

From over here.

"What's Up?" and Other Illegal Interrogatives

In 2002, Judge Alex Kozinski threw out two claims relating to a disagreement over Barbie and the song “Barbie Girl.” In doing so, the judge uttered words that resounded throughout the nation:

“The parties are advised to chill.”

Well, maybe they didn’t really resound THAT much, but I took notice, okay? The introduction of slang into the courtroom can make for a fun mish-mosh of legalese and lingo. Witness Public Defender David Kennedy, whose opening argument in a recent Maryland Court of Appeals was:

“What’s up?”
Wow! Was Kennedy thumbing his nose at authority? After all, the usual lawyerly opening is something like “Mr. Chief Judge and may it please the court, etc.” But Kennedy was up to something! By beginning with “What’s up?” he hoped to jar the judge and jurors out of their lethargy.

It worked, but not in the way intended. Chief Judge Robert Bell told Kennedy that the correct pronunciation is “Whassup?”

Everyone laughed.

The case itself actually revolved around the question of the question “What’s up?” That’s what a police officer said to suspect Maurice Prioleau outside of a residence full of drugs back in 2005.

In response, Prioleau guiltily said, “I’m not going in that house. I’ve never been in that house.” Subsequent investigating showed that he had been in the house, and Prioleau was arrested and sentenced to 20 years in prison.

But the case has been appealed on the basis of that question. As Priorleau hadn't been read his Miranda rights when asked it, his public defender has argued that "What's up?" was an unlawful interrogation posing as an innocent rhetorical question.

Assistant Attorney General Cathleen Brockmeyer disputed this, maintaining that "What's up?" is “certainly not an invitation to incriminate yourself."

Speaking for myself, I rarely need much of an invitation to do just that. (Oh, and the case was still pending last I checked.)

Advertising Helps Me Decide!

How can a country retain its unique culture in the face of American imports? Is the best course to stop imports from reaching the marketplace, or to make homegrown products that can act as replacements?

Dunno. But I do know that Islam for Today is touting Dara and Sara dolls as “Iran’s Islamic alternative to Ken and Barbie.” The site quotes toy seller Masoumeh Rahimi, who sees the danger of girls playing with Barbie and eventually rejecting Iranian values. She said:

"I think every Barbie doll is more harmful than an American missile."

I guess that makes the Bratz some sort of Doomsday Devices.

Dara and Sara were developed by an government agency known as the Institute for the Intellectual Development of Children and Young Adults. Since the agency is also in charge of marketing the dolls, it might consider using the ad strategy known as Organic Product Integration (OPI).

No more painfully obvious "product placement." With OPI, instead of just SHOWING a product in a TV show or movie, the product instead becomes an integral and “natural” part OF the show. (I’m all for integration! And organic things are so... natural.)

So now, products aren’t just products anymore. As Nela Ulabi’s NPR story makes clear, now the product is almost a character. Thus, the sponsors of a reality show make sure that contestants will be use their cars/drinks/phones while competing. And those products being discussed by the ad execs on Mad Men? They're not there by accident.

So now ads are always lurking in the background. You can't TiVo them out of the program... they ARE the program! How can American culture survive this onslaught of marketing? Robert Weissman of the group Commercial Alert suggests TV shows be required to warn viewers when OPI is occurring.

But I’ve got a simpler idea: Import more Dara and Tara dolls into the US. The rest will take care of itself.