This story hits a triple

It has a great headline, sub headline, and caption! 

(And the story ain't bad either.)

Atherton is TROUBLE

Atherton is a quiet, wealthy city in California... but its residents still fall prey to crimes! Please enjoy these selections from the Atherton police blotter:

A woman told police someone rang her doorbell but when she called out to ask who it was, no one answered. Police responded and determined the visitor had delivered a package.  

A man was reported to be sitting down and talking to himself. Police made contact and confirmed he was using a cellphone.  

A resident worried that a noisy hawk in a tree was in distress. When authorities arrived, the hawk was quiet and enjoying dinner.  

Four or five juveniles were reported to be running around at Selby Lane School and involved in “horseplay” on a summer afternoon.  

A person sitting in a vehicle outside a residence was waiting for a friend who lives there.  

A pedestrian was reported after midnight wearing black pants and a white dress shirt.  

A man was reported to be lying on the ground, possibly writing.  

A person seen walking at midday for two days in a row was contacted and determined to be using lunch breaks to get some exercise.  

Loud birds were reported. Police responded and settled the situation.  

A resident called police to report that someone had tipped over his recycling containers.  

A family reported being followed by a duck who resides on Tuscaloosa Avenue.  

A resident reported a large light in the sky. It was the moon.

From the police log in Kalispell, Montana — a community gripped by fear!

Via.

If only the criminal had been a little boulder...

(From Forest Grove, Oregon.)

This is a nice slice of life!

Via.

Murchison Drive, 7:22 p.m. July 2 A person waiting for a pizza to be delivered called police, said that when the delivery driver arrived a neighbor took it. An officer responded, determined the person's complaint was unfounded, that the neighbor also ordered pizza.

Murchison Drive, 8:03 p.m. July 2 A person wrongly accused of pizza theft reported being upset.

Now THIS is a headline

Via.

Now THAT'S a headline.

As you can see, a stolen bench was found in a shed. Case CLOSED.

(Story here, photo here, via.)

Can ANYONE help?

Crime is just ballooning in this country. (Via.)

This is why teenagers should not be allowed to eat doughnuts.

It leads to juvenile delinquency!

The back cover reads:

“…demonstrates how ‘junk’ food diets, sugar starvation, vitamin deficiencies, lead pollution and food allergies can convert a normal brain into a criminal mind.”

Diet, Crime, and Delinquency by Alexander Schauss via the Powell's Tumblr.

The Force abandoned him.

This Oregonian news story is almost perfect:

Portland police arrest man after alleged 'Star Wars' light saber assault 

Police arrested a man who allegedly assaulted three people with a blue light saber at a…Toys R Us Wednesday night.
 A 9-1-1 caller . . . said the man was inside the store, swinging the "Star Wars" weapon of choice at customers, said Sgt. Pete Simpson, a spokesman for the Portland Police Bureau. While the caller was on the phone, the man then left the store — light saber in hand — and walked out to the parking lot.
 Officers tried to arrest the man, but he kept swinging the light saber at them, Simpson said. One tried to use his Taser on the suspect but the device didn't work.
 Another officer used his Taser and made contact, but the man knocked one of the wires away with the light saber . . .
 None of the victims of the light saber assault needed medical attention, Simpson said.

The jokes on the criminals! I've got nothing to steal anyway.

Because I've got nothing to steal.

From an ad that ran in Popular Science, 1938. (Via.)

GUILTY of Crimes Against Butter

In 1915, this man, Charles Willes, was convicted of breaking the Oleomargarine Act. He was sent to the Federal Penitentiary at Leavenworth for being guilty of “crimes against butter.” As the National Archives explains, the problem was margarine:

How did trafficking in this popular butter substitute become a Federal offense? Well, almost immediately after New York’s U.S. Dairy Company began production of “artificial butter” in 1871, regulation began. Dairy interests pushed Congress to pass the 1886 act, which imposed a two-cent tax (per pound) on margarine and also required manufacturers, wholesalers, and retailers of margarine to obtain margarine licenses. 

By 1902, 32 states had bans on coloring margarine yellow to make it look more like butter. That same year, Congress increased the tax to 10 cents a pound for colored margarine but imposed a lesser tax of a quarter of one cent per pound on the uncolored stuff … Some tried to pass the margarine off as butter; others tried to evade the tax by reusing tax stamps again and again. 

Consumers colored their own margarine with yellow food coloring into the 1940s. The federal margarine tax system came to an end in 1951. In 1967, dairy state Wisconsin was the last state to repeal the restrictions on the sale, coloration, and/or manufacture of margarine.

I love this story.

From here.

That'll teach them!

Computers are going to be SO cool!

This computer guide came out in 1974. Those were innocent times; a computer was an electronic typewriter. That said, the design of this book is actually quite good.

As for the computer criminals of yesteryear, they were FAR more glamorous than today's seedy hackers!

From World of Tomorrow—School, Work and Play by Neil Ardley (1981, Franklin Watts).

Wanted Dead or Alive: Cookbook Pirates!

Please be on the alert for this pair of scofflaws. They were spotted pirating (a.k.a. "hand copying") recipes from cookbooks at Barnes & Noble. 

From here. (A commenter: "I work at a bookstore. This is fairly common. People always ask if we have a photocopier they can use...If only there was a place where you could rent books for free..." Yes, if only!)