MATH POETRY?!

A dozen, a gross, and a score 

Plus three times the square root of four 

Divided by seven 

Plus five times eleven 

is nine squared and not a bit more. 

— Anonymous

Shel Silverstein's cool.

This is funny!

So someone named lieutenantriza wrote this:

My favorite thing I’ve learned in college is that way back in ancient China there was this poet/philosopher guy who wrote this whole pretentious poem about how enlightened he was, and how “the eight winds cannot move me.”

He was really proud of it so he sent it to his friend who lived across the lake. And then his friend just writes “FART” (in Chinese) on it, and sends it back. And the poet was SO MAD he travels across the lake to chew his friend out and when he gets there his friend says, “Wow. The eight winds cannot move you, but one fart sends you across the lake.”

And then Asterion wrote:

I Googled this because I desperately wanted this to be real, and guess what…it is. The poet’s name was Su Dongpo, and his original poem went like this: 

 稽首天中天， 

毫光照大千， 

八風吹不動， 

端坐紫金蓮  

(Humbly bowed my head below all skies/Minutest lights shine through my deepest bounds/Immovable by strong winds from eight sides/Upon purplish gold lotus I seated straightly by the low mound)

Then his friend wrote “放屁” (fart) on it, and you know the rest.

Ooh, I wrote a poem! It's called...

"Why I Look Scared Riding My Bike"

SUV?
Dangerous.

Speeder? 

Worse.

Big truck? 

Treacherous.

Driver texting?

Hearse!

So a rider like me, who's oh-so wary,

Pedals on bikes that are stationary.

This SUPERHEROES review has vanquished the forces of darkness!

Thanks, Kurt A. Johnson! Also, here is your poetry for today.

A haiku about getting out of bed no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no 

Ping-Pong Poetry

Invented in the 1880s, ping-pong quickly became so popular, poetry books were written about the sport. For instance, this 1902 title contains these immortal lines:

 Ping to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pong with mine.
We twain may win the Challenge cup,
If ping with pong combine.
The craze, that in my soul doth rise,
Is doubtless keen in thine.
I’ll take the role of pinger up,
If thou’lt be pongstress mine!

Via Google Books and Futility Closet.

The Tragic Love Poetry of Third Grade

Via.

My love, my love

Oh how my heart loves you

Oh love, oh love

Your eyes sparkle in the light

You have a sweet voice

What's that?

 You're moving away?

NO!!!

by Aleks

The Shakespearean Hokey Pokey

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinstral pedastal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke—banish now thy doubt.
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

Via.

Fourth graders don't always embrace their poetry assignments.

From Eric Carr. 

Jabberwocky, spellchecked.

Man, this is WAY better! 

(Via by way of Futility Closet.)

Poets tend to die younger than other writers?

 By michasixty.

Happily, I never composed a poem
Or I would be in a funeral home.

Wait—urk!

"Poets Ranked by Beard Weight"

The arrival of this indispensable book is a cause for rejoicing among those who closely follow the competitive world of bearded poets.

Would you like to know more? Naturlich!

"Everything that can be known about beards and much that can't." --The London Weekly Gazette

"Underwood's revolutionary syntheses lift the science of pogonology to hitherto undreamed of heights!" --Beards Illustrated

See how Whitman's beard stacks up against Longfellow's, Homer's, and Tennyson's! Poets Ranked by Beard Weight is a classic of Edwardian esoterica, a privately printed leaflet offered by subscription to the informed man of fashion and as a divertissement au courant for reading bins and cocktail tables of parlor cars, and libraries and smoking lounges of gentlemen's clubs . . . 

Of particular interest is Underwood's most significant invention-a grading system, known as the "Underwood Pogonometric Index," which calculates what he called "poetic gravity," or beard weight. Also included are the fundamentals of beard flirtation and a complete history of beard-based folklore and controversies.

Sunday!

THERE is no frigate like a book
To take us lands away,
Nor any coursers like a page
Of prancing poetry. 

This traverse may the poorest take
Without oppress of toll;
How frugal is the chariot
That bears a human soul!
                      —Emily Dickinson

Photo by Mark Feenstra.