Two-Timers and Polish Scofflaws

Confession Time: I have another blog. Shocked? Me neither! Anyway, I channel the public persona of Spaniard hoopster Rudy Fernandez over here. Why mention it? Because that blog got about 1,200 hits yesterday. That’s a handful more than Unexpectedly Bart! got in the last six weeks.

Oh, it is a bitter lesson. This has been my greatest comeuppance since learning that a Japanese houseplant’s blog gets substantially more traffic than mine.

Along the lines of life's great mysteries, Irish police just solved a not-very similar case. They just couldn’t figure out who “Prawo Jazdy” was. The guy racked up dozens of different traffic violations in different cars and operating from different addresses. He was the Kaiser Soze of scofflaws. How did this Prawo Jazdy do it?

He didn’t. According to this Reuters article, “Prawo Jazdy” is printed on the top right hand corner of all Polish driving licenses. It’s Polish for… “Driver’s License.” D’oh! (Oops, strike that “D'oh!” I’ve been led to believe that its Irish equivalent is “Ow! Me bollocks.”)

Rudy Is Not Every Day a Shooter

Rudy Fernandez is Spanish. That means that he isn't aware that when American professional athletes refer to themselves in the third person, they are mocked and skewered. It also explains why today's Oregonian quoted Fernandez as saying:

"Rudy is not everyday a shooter. He's defense. He's passes. He's assists."

Guess what? As a foreign national, Fernandez gets a free pass. Speaking of free passes, here's Fernandez getting an alley-oop from Sergio Rodriguez in the recent win against the Timberwolves.

As reported on OregonLive a while back, Fernandez was asked whom in the NBA he most wanted to go up against. The Spaniard singled out a fellow Spaniard.

"Pau [Gasol]. I've never played against him, only on the same team. I want to put points on your face."

Last Thing: In the first minutes of the fourth quarter against Orlando, Fernandez had three steals, two three pointers, and he drew a charge. Oh, and two assists. (Remember, he's passes.)

Why Kevin Martin Is a Bad Person (Evidence to the Contrary Notwithstanding)

When Kevin Martin of the Sacramento Kings dunked on Greg Oden he won a $1,000 bet from teammate Mikki Moore. (The bet was on who would be the first to do so.) This is objectionable for two reasons:
1.) Gambling is bad.
2.) He dunked on Greg Oden. (Announcer: “Zzzz, blahblah—OH WHAT A MOVE!”)

ADDENDUM (10/28/08): The New York Times revealed that in the following game against the Clippers, Ricky Davis offered $500 to the first player who could dunk on Oden. It's a trend! Anyway, the Kings lost thanks to the Portland Armada of Sergio Rodriguez and Rudy Fernandez.

Spanish Portland

Highlights of Rudy Fernandez's Sacramento game are in, including an eerily familiar alley-oop from Sergio Rodriguez. Further, both oops are carbon-copies of the one the two Spaniards executed last night against the Golden State Warriors just before halftime.

In less exciting news, Fernandez sprained his ankle and left the game last night, starter Steve Blake is out with a strained hamstring, starter Martell Webster is out with a broken metatarsal, Brandon Roy didn't play as he's coming off knee surgery... but at least it looks like Channing Frye will be back for the season opener. Oh, and Greg Oden rules.

Spanish Portland

The Portland Trail Blazers crushed the Sacramento Kings last night in an exhibition game. Though the game was not televised, there were numerous sweet assists from Portland's resident Spaniards, namely Sergio Rodriguez and Rudy Fernandez. Stuff like this:

"Awesome, babe, awesome!"

Spanish hoopster Rudy Fernandez is joining the Portland Trail Blazers this season. Don't get me wrong; just because I live here doesn’t mean I’m some myopic, hometown fan.

Actually, it does. And my myopia has really kicked in since seeing Fernandez slam on Dwight Howard at the Olympics.

Gotta love how the Spanish-speaking commentator switches to English for his, "Awesome, babe, awesome!" replay analysis.